nervous

In Korea, we have a special important day in a year for students who are in the last year of high school.
Korean students have studied for that day like as the study machine.
Obviously, most Koreans point out that is a problem in Korea public education but it is still existed.
Especially, in that day, we can see the unbelievable views.
Companies, public service, and stores are opened late for students because they should not be late on test time.
Therefore, policemen are waiting and watching students who might be late for taking them to place of the test.
In that day, we can watch the news about this test through television in a whole day.
Usually, this test is taking from at 9am to 5pm and parents, friends, and other family are waiting students with concern and anxiety.
Just a day, students should show up their whole knowledge for getting high scores in order to enter the university.
This tragic is the process that students cannot avoid in Korea.
I took this test before 7years ago and I could not forget how much I was nervous.
The memory of this day is the worst moment in my life.
That time, I could not match the right answer in the answer sheet due to nervous.
Even though I changed the answer sheet almost five times, I should not be done to finish the answer sheet perfectly.
I have regretted about this stupid mistake since a day.
I should not be sad front of my family because they might be disappointed to me.
However, I could not stop my crying after a test because I was so desperate myself.
My parents asked me to take a test again after a year.
However, I said, “ I want to get second chance but I cannot. I had worked a lot so I cannot do this again.”
I am still against this policy in Korea because students cannot be judged with test score.

my soulmate..

Sometimes, I wonder about my future and my husband who is going to be.
Two of my best friends actually were married with guy and one of them got a daughter two years ago.
Another friend will marry with a guy in this May
Even though I have watched them how they have made their own family, I cannot imagine that event will happen to me later.
Anyway, my age so closed the average marrying age that people think normally.
When I asked to my friends how they decided to marry with him/her, they usually said specific moment.
That moment made them to be getting married and I am still believed this special moment.
However, I also have my ideal type in my mate.
He is a person who I can respect him all my mind.
It is not related on his much money, good back ground, and good job.
If he is that kind of person, he can get high position in social life.
Our children also will respect him as good father.
He might guess to have a strong sense of responsibility for protect our own family.
He might be humor person in order to make me happy.
Therefore, we will argue from small event or big event in our life.
We will through our life that might have ending.
At that time, I am sure that I choose the right guy to me.
And then, right now, I am also trying to be his perfect mate even though we might not know who we are.
In the last, when I see my parents, to make the family is the most imaging job in our life.
So that is why I am still little afraid to think my future, marrying, and world.

misunderstanding.

I often lose some words from other people’s talking because I couldn’t focus on their talking every word.
Defiantly, I miss much word when I talk with Americans due to some unfamiliar word.
Most international students learn and repeat same sentence and word.
And then they use to speak and listen naturally.
One of my friends in here, who is studying TESOL, she always push me to meet her American friends for improving my English.
Sometimes, I got pressure to speak with English front of Korean due to my personality.
Usually, when we have gone out somewhere, she let me to speak every time.
However, she is only one person who makes me so comfort and we are having fun recently.
Anyway, she introduced her American friend who was born in Russia but was raised in the United States to me.
He totally understood my hardship and pressure because of his back ground.
My Korean friend pushed me to lead our conversation, myself.
I was really thanks to her otherwise so shy.
He recognized my situation and he asked me common question which people usually started to know each other.
He asked me about what are my hobby, favorite colors, and favorite movie.
And then, I answered with small voice and he would wait for my answer for a while.
He asked me, “can you play any instrument?” and I said, “Computer.”
I wrongly think the instrument as equipment.
He asked me again, “can you play the computer?” and I realized what he asked.
After I said “I can play the computer keyboard.”, I released from pressure and mistake that might happen when I spoke with him.
Well, anyway I am student who want to learn English and that is my reason to come in here. :)

Koreans

When I met Americans and foreigners, they confused where I am from.
First time, they asked me “are you from Japan?” even they tried to say hi by Japanese.
And then, I told them just “No!” after they guessed I am from in China.
Well, sometimes I tried to explain I am from in Korea but my feeling is starting not good.
I realized my country is known in the world before coming in here. That also is my selfish mind but I want to let them know about our country.
Most Americans did not know where Korea is and what difference between North Korea is.
I am proud of my country, which has long history, only one blood, one our language as Hangeul and special traditional culture.
Our country, people of South Korea cannot meet North Korea’s people naturally.
Even though I couldn’t meet North Korea’s people in here, sometimes other countries people asked to see them or to experience of travel in North Korea.
This is our sad situation from Korea war and we were divided by two sections.
Actually, some old people in Korea may desire the unification by peaceful way without military power.
In another hand, some young people want to keep this situation as two counties.
I am not sure of my opinion with our country of problem because I was not lived war time fortunately.
Including me, many Koreans are not aware of out situation because the war is not finished.
We are temporarily stopping fighting.
I did not read the news paper when I stayed in Korea.
However, I am searching of our events in Korea usually in here.
During that time, I am a stranger in here at the same time I am worrying about our country so much.
Thus, I desire that many Americans would understand our situation as history of two countries.

my father

I met many persons who have influence in my life. I couldn’t measure who gave me more than anyone but my father deserve to be the best. Because my father has stayed with me during whole my life, I reminded my father first. My father is the first son in our big family and he has a strong sense of responsibility. He has dreamed about perfectly happy family. In the past, he had droved a ship for make money in order to support our family. He has never forgotten our family even he had sailing in the abroad. That time, I couldn’t imagine his life in the abroad. I was so young to understand his life at that time. When I was little kid, I was just enjoyed his gifts or vacation. The period of working was approximately one year or more than one year. After finishing his job, he used to visit Korea to see his children. I still remembered what he sent many gifts from the abroad for me and my siblings. After he decided to stop the working at abroad, I was so excited to see my father every day. In other hand, he thought that his children needed father when they were young. His life worked only for his family. Sometimes, I miss my family so much even though I choose this life, in Carbondale, for my dream. After coming in the United States, I realized his saying and efforts for support my family. He has always emphasized that the love of family will be the most important value in our life. And then, I am totally agreed with his thinking about family because the family makes me to be stronger.

1.     I brought a gift from my boy friend when I left in Korea.     This gift is a small recording machine, looks like penguin shape.    Usually we argued by small event that couldn’t remember after a day.    My boy friend liked surprising event for make me fun.  When he gave me this small recording machine, he recorded saying for apologize to me.     He recorded that “ Seo- Kyoung, my Korean name, I am really sorry and I love you.”     This small machine has a switch for turn on his saying.     When I really missed him, I turned on this small penguin for listen his voice on my bed.     That machine makes me for remind our memories, which could be travel, small argument, and parties with my friends, too.  Even though we didn’t talk a lot these days, we still believed and loved through long periods.

 

convincing & motivation

 Sometimes, I really want to stand apart from my friends for myself. Keep my place alone and enjoy the time my own time. I used to hanging with my friends who graduated same high school and they completely know who I am. I am confident of my personality to strong otherwise I am so weak, depressed, and selfish. However, my friends always make me to be funny, enjoy, and pretty person. I was protected from their love and never ending friendship as kid even though I made some mistakes in relationship or works. They were guardians to me every time and then I accustomed to receive their reasonable concerns. Following Korean proverb, “a big fish in a little pond” that means one who loved in same place couldn’t image other place what happens there and try to go outside because of fear in other side of life and familiar life. Also, I was a big fish so I had avoided meeting other persons who I did not know much. In this place, I should meet other persons and grow up my social ability. Listing music, reading a book, cleaning my house… That is also good methods to replace thinking myself who I am. The most important thing is “don’t miss who I am.”